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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

how i really feel...putting it into perspective

Where should I start?

Upset, mad, devastated, worried, panicky, scared, angry, sad, overwhelmed, disappointed...the list could go on and on.

I'm talking about the Bear's (formerly known as the Toddler) speech issues. We are at the beginning of what I know is going to be a long and arduous road for all our family, especially the Bear. I'm usually pretty much okay with his diagnosis (not that it's official yet, but it will be), but every now and then, like right now, I get really angry and upset about the whole thing. It's so unfair on my poor little man. I worry that he'll never talk properly, never have any friends, he won't manage at school, if he even goes to mainstream school, he won't be able to hold down a job...and so on.

It doesn't help when people point out other children who have overcome their speech issues. That is not my child, and they don't have the same condition. However, when I hear about a child with the same condition, who is now speaking well, it brings me great hope.

So, I thought, as I'm feeling so negative, maybe I should take a look at where we are at in reality rather than Mummy-freakout-zone.

Okay. The Bear has (almost certainly) Verbal Dyspraxia. Also known as Childhood Apraxia of Speech.
(But he's still my Bear)

He is having Speech Therapy.
(And making good progress)

Tomorrow he starts Occupational Therapy.
(This will help the speech therapy as well)

He is under the care of a Developmental Paediatrician.
(Who is really caring and compassionate. We were lucky to get onto his books)

He has failed an early screening test for Autism.
(A tough, non-prescriptive test with a high false positive rate)

He may not have Autism, but probably has PDD (Pervasive Developmental Delay).
(This diagnosis can be lifted, and will allow us access to funding and services for the Bear)

He will start attending a special needs kindy soon. It's attached to a local Special School.
(He will get extra therapy from qualified and dedicated teachers)

There are no guarantees that he will attend the same school as his sister. He may well end up at the special school for a shorter or longer time.
(If so, that's where he'll thrive the most)

But you know what?

He's still my precious, funny, happy, cuddly, laughing boy. How lucky we are.


  1. I can relate so well! Love this post! Hang in there. It's the unknown that creates the most fear & worry I think in us. But, the love we have for our children will carry us through. And we are doing what we can and what we need to to give them what they need, through therapy. I hope he does well at the kindy. We are still hoping Lucas qualifies.

  2. Hugs mama!!!! I know the feeling. Although ours was a different feeling of just unknowing with Kaitlynn's Cranio. I understand! HUGS!!! Just keep looking for the positive stories. Not the negative ones! The positives are out there!!! I promise!!