a letter to my family

Dear Bear,
Please stop letting the dogs into the house when Granny is here. She really doesn't like them, and it's not funny to hear her squeal when Harlan licks her feet. Ok, maybe it's a little funny, but still, please don't do it. Oh, and while I have your attention, please remember that after 6am is bearable (just), but before 6am is the middle of the night, thankyou very much young man!

Dear Gig,
I know you hate homework. I do too. Trust me on this one. But come what may, you have to do it. And thanks for doing the vacuuming downstairs. I didn't expect it and I'm very grateful. But you can't vacuum ribbons, wool, stuffing from toys, paper bags and so on. Unless you think it's funny that I had to spend 15 minutes painstakingly unclogging the vacuum cleaner. As an aside, craft projects really should be cleaned up...

Dear Jasper,
For the love of God would you stop barking at anyone/anything that walks past our house? You are not a tough dog, and no one believes you for a second. Also, if you're going to bark, why not bark at the door-to-door salespeople who actually enter the yard? Why do you love them, but hate the little old lady who lives down the road?

Dear Harlan,
Good dogs don't dig. Full stop. And please don't lick Granny's feet. She doesn't like it. And please, please, please don't eat any more cane toads. We love you and don't want to lose you. Meanwhile, feel free to carry on being so cute.

Dear MOTH,
You do know I'm not, objectively, prettier than all those women on TV, don't you? But I love that you always say I am. :)

And finally, Dear Rain,
Please stop before the roads flood, so I can pick the Gig up from school safely.

Love from Mummy/Millie/the Bearer of yummy doggy treats